How to Save a Life

When we talk about crisis, we are talking about a person’s risk of suicide. Did you know that suicide, as of 2014, is the 2^nd leading cause of death among ages 10-24? And even with the outrageously high number of deaths by suicide among youths, our community is still not discussing the matter enough. That's why I want to talk about the issue of suicide today. Just like the song How to save a life by The Fray, I hope this post can be of help to those who want to reach out and help someone in a crisis, but do not know what to do.

(Listen to The Fray's How to save a life in the video below)

Sometime last semester, as I was sitting in my dorm room, studying for an exam, I got a sudden phone call from my mom. I answered the call, and the first time I heard her say something I knew something was wrong. She sounded a bit distressed. She asked if I knew this family friend we had from the Philippines, and I said yes. A few minutes later, she then proceeded telling me that he passed away from suicide, a couple of hours prior.

Naturally, the news induced a stress response from me. Death will always be a distressing matter. Death by suicide, on the other hand, induces not only feelings of sadness, but also feelings of frustration. Like all of the previous incidence of suicide I've heard and known, that family friend’s death was also preventable. And, it kind of baffles me that a lot of people don't get that idea. 

By the end of this blog post, I am not saying everyone should go about diagnosing and treating mental health conditions. That’s a job for professional psychologists and psychiatrists. However, after reading this piece, I do hope that you will be able to at least detect some warning signs, and reach out to someone in need of a hand and ear. 

Be on the lookout for the warning signs. Warning signs are noticeable signs indicating that a person may be at impending risk of attempting suicide. Warning signs can be mood and behavioral changes.

Source: American Association of Suicidology

What are the things you can do if someone you know is in crisis?

• Ask them directly. If you think someone is at risk of suicide, asking them if they are having suicidal ideation and thoughts is the best way to make sure if they are suicidal. 

Source: American Association of Suicidology

• Take their words seriously. If someone you know has indicated that they want to take their life, never assume that it is a joke.

When talking to someone who is at risk, avoid doing the following:

• Minimizing their feelings. Those of us who've never experienced major depression literally cannot imagine what it feels like. Do not tell them to get over it!
• Trying to convince them that living life is worth it. Those conversations can be done when the person has passed the stage of crisis.
• Advice to fix the issue. If someone is in crisis, what they need is not some who will give them an advice, but someone who will hear them. Lend them your ear, and don’t be judgmental!

BE SENSITIVE and TRUST YOUR GUT. If you are concerned about someone, always assume that you are the only one who is going to reach out. A lot of people end up not reaching out for the fear of being wrong and embarrassed that the person they reached out to wasn’t really experiencing a crisis. But, you know what? Being embarrassed is a whole lot better than not verifying if someone was having suicidal thoughts.

Please remember, the problem won’t go away by itself. It is very important that people who are experiencing a crisis need to receive professional treatment immediately. As a community, we must work together and be proactive in connecting them to the right resources. This will help prevent the occurrence of suicide, saving someone's life. Please reach out to the university's counseling center, or any local psychiatric service provider, if necessary. If you'd like to read more about crisis and how to respond as a bystander, please visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, or the Mental Health First Aid USA.

At RU: Discovering who I want to be

Since freshman year, I’ve lived in the same residence hall in one of the Douglass Residential Housing. It was a residence hosting students from the STEM field. One of the requirements in staying in the program was meeting with a resident graduate mentor a couple of times per semester.

Last semester, I met up with my graduate mentor to get some advice. So, I went to her room to talk. I really can't remember much how her room looked like, but I do remember the three different colored yoga mats she laid out on the floor. We sat there and talked. She asked me what was up and I told her about my worries. I told her I applied for a research assistant position in one of the psychology labs on campus. I told her I was called in as one of the three people selected for an interview, and that I was at lost on what to do. She smiled and congratulated me, telling me that that was a great opportunity for experience. She then gave me advises on what to do during the interview. At the end of the meeting, she asked me to keep her posted and I did.

Several weeks after the meeting, I got in touch with my mentor and told her I wasn’t selected for the research assistant position. I was fine, rationalizing that to making it to the interview portion was already a great feat, and that maybe there was something even better for me that will come along. And there was better position that came a long. But then, the outcome completely mirrored that of the first one. And for the first time ever, I’ve felt a sense of incompetency in me. On top of it all, I also had to face the idea that being a doctor might be out of the picture for me. To put it simply in words, I was devastated.

Image from reddit.com

Before attending Rutgers, my original career goal was to be a psychiatrist. Yes, like most students, I thought about shifting my major several amounts of times. I considered Biology, Exercise Science, Chemistry, and a couple more majors. But, ultimately, no matter which major I thought of back then, I knew I was going to use it to attend medical school for psychiatry after. It wasn’t until after last school year that I realize that medical school wasn’t probably for me. I had the aspiration to be a doctor years before entering college. It wasn’t until after I took the required chemistry courses that I knew medicine was not meant for me. It took me a while to get used to that idea. Because, essentially, by changing career plans, I was admitting that there were some points I was still lacking.

For only a little while did the the sorrow last. I had to move on with my life. So, I started thinking deeply about my options. After meeting with advisers and mentors, I discovered a similar career pathway to psychiatry. Not all hope was lost. I still had an option. I can still work on a clinical setting.

Watch the video below to get to know more about how you can overcome challenges in a positive way.

Sitting in one of the psychology lab rooms, I discussed the other career option with my graduate mentor. She asked if I've ever considered getting a doctoral degree in psychology, instead. I said no. I didn’t know how the program worked, or what it even was, so I never gave it a thought. She said it’s a lot like psychiatry, but the training will be more focused on research and practice. I won't be able to prescribe medications to any patient, but I was completely fine with that. As long as I could work with people, helping them deal and find solutions to their problems, it was all great.

So, after that encounter, I made changes to my activities accordingly. I talked to professors and graduate school advisers about the psychology doctoral program. I also took a couple of certification trainings to enhance my knowledge and experience about the field of psychology. And to my joy, with all the efforts I gave, my abilities were acknowledged. I was selected as a peer mental health educator on campus.

Overall, Rutgers and Douglass Residential College (DRC), both, nurture and facilitate my growth as an individual. Both communities witnessed and provided aide in my maturation as a person, and as a professional in the field of psychology. The rejections and hardships I faced in these places, gave me the chance to get to know more about myself, my interests and passion. Opportunities and resources offered by these places helped me unravel the me of today. And, I quite like the me who exists today.

See the video below to have a better understanding why it is important for us to know and understand ourselves

Sneak Peek at a University Psychologist’s Day

Annmarie Wacha-Montes
Photo from the CAPS website

I first met Annmarie Wacha-Montes during my two-and-a-half-day Peer Mental Health Educator Training this past winter break. During that period, I got to know some of her work background. She introduced herself as a licensed clinical psychologist, and as the assistant director for the community-based services in Counseling, ADAP, and Psychiatric Services (CAPS). Together with Francesca Maresca, the director of the Health Outcomes, Promotions, and Education (HOPE), they trained us to be mental health educators. 

As Annmarie presented some information about one of the workshops offered in the program, a sound blared from her bag. Someone was trying to reach her by phone. After checking who the phone call was from, she excused herself and had Francesca took over the presentation. After the phone call, she stepped back into the room and informed us that she had to leave. There was a crisis on campus she needed to attend to. She left in a hurry, and didn’t return until a couple of hours later, looking a bit disheveled compared when she left. It was obvious that what she responded to was quite a stressful situation for her, as well.

As someone who aspires to become a clinical and community psychologist, I sat in the conference room wondering if a situation like that occurred in Annmarie's daily work life. I got curious, wondering how her typical day looked like. So, after exchanging loads of e-mails to coordinate our schedules, I was fortunate enough to get an interview with her today.

Interview Highlights

On describing her current occupational roles  

I offer individual and group therapy. I offer consultation for faculty and staff when they are concern about a student. In addition, I also provide assessments. So, if someone is interested in getting connected to our services, I get to know who they are and what’s been going on, how long has it been going on, and we, together, put our heads to create an action plan. And sometimes. I will recommend the students to XYZ, depending on what is helpful for them. I, also, attends group & staff meetings here at the counseling center. 

As an Assistant Director for community-based services, whenever we get an outreach request, or workshops, presentation, or training on campus, then, they get filtered through me. And, I identify whom within our staff would be the best to fulfill that need. I, also, provide evening on-calls, which I am on-rotation with the other staff members. I help with any critical incidents on campus. If there’s a large event, then I help provide response, prevention for those people impacted. I do some research. And I’m involved with some large-scale projects within the university.

This was definitely my reaction when Annmarie described her roles and responsibilities. After telling her that, she told me that she might still have missed a couple tasks she was entitled to do.

On what lead her to pursue a career in the field of Psychology and which life events contributed to her professional identity today

I was always really interested in helping… I knew that mental health existed, and I felt like it was important to provide support for people’s overall health and wellness… 

When I was in a graduate school, I worked at an eating disorder clinic. I worked from four to twelve, at night. And I noticed a lot of the women, who had experience trauma, previous trauma, were really struggling, late at night, with symptoms of PTSD. That was really important.  That really played an important role for me, because I thought, “Wow! This is just people coming in for eating issues, and there is such an history of trauma there”. It was really important for me to kind of figure out what was the best approach to help people who’ve been through trauma in their lives… That was a pretty big shift for me. 

Also, in college, I volunteered to work at a jail. One of the things I was hearing from the inmates was ‘how to make decisions and ambivalent they are about making changes in their lives and how hard it was’. So, I thought, “Wow! How do you help people change their behaviors?” Like, that is so hard. If you think about any of the basic things we have to do in our lives, people are ambivalent about changing. But, if I could gain skills to figure out how I can help someone change... So, I purposely chose to go to the graduate school I had to learn about motivational interviewing. And, that was a specific skill that has been really helpful for me.

See the video below to see how training as a psychologist or a therapist help other people.

On her typical work day

It varies. It could be a few… It could be rounding a group. Doing one or two evaluations or in-take appointments with students, and identify what their needs are, and what would be my recommendation. I will, also, be doing individual therapy. I could be reaching out to different associations, like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, to see what different campaigns we can consider on our campus.

On her attitude about her work

I knew that I didn’t want to only do one thing. I know I didn’t want to just only do individual therapy for the whole day. I knew I wanted something that was pretty eclectic, and so, I definitely feel like I have that here (at CAPS). And that what’s make me really happy, being here, that I get to do a lot and work with a lot of people. And that’s been really fun.

On how she handles all her workload and responsibilities

I know it is important that I take care of myself. So, I do a lot of family time. And, I do yoga, kind of unwinding and allowing myself to take a break. Otherwise, you know, I wouldn’t be practicing what I preach.

On her advice to undergraduates, in general

It’s really important to think about what you like doing. Know what are your strengths, your weaknesses or the areas you don’t love as much or get frustrated with, and then try your best to match that with a profession and, as well, as a setting. Talking about what your concerns are about the career, or about the job, to people in and out of the field, and especially to your families and those around you are important. The more you expose yourself to the endless possibilities of what’s out there, career-wise, then people (in general) won’t feel so like stuck doing one thing that don’t fit their personality and outlooks in life.

Overall, I’m glad that I did this interview with Annmarie. As we wrap up the interview, I asked Annmarie if she had any last comments she wanted to say, and she said she did. She said, “I think this (psychologist) is a great profession. And I’m happy with what I do”. That statement warmed my heart. I will never forget the image of how Annmarie’s face lit up as she talked about her daily work activities. She definitely is having a wonderful time despite all the workload and time constraint. I want to experience that kind of happiness while I work as a psychologist in the future, as well. I aspire to be a psychologist like her.

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